This is guest article from a supporter of the Men’s Room

Make Yourself a Real Man Cave

Results Are The By Product Of Habits

Nothing more. Nothing less.

See someone with a great body? That came from cultivating certain habits.

Someone with an inspiring work ethic? That came from cultivating certain habit.

Someone who retires early? Habit.

Great musician? Habit.

Phenomenal athlete? Habit.

A ‘natural people person’? Habit.

Results are the by product of habits. If you have successful habits that serve you towards what you deserve and desire your results will be what you deserve and desire. On the flip side, if you have habits that do not serve you towards what you deserve and desire or even worse lead you towards unhappiness and unfulfilling ends guess what your results will be?

I’ve worked with people one on one and in groups for 10 years. I myself have had to over come significant physical and emotional challenges. I would never

belittle any person’s experience by saying it would be easy to change cause it’s not easy. I would never disrespect another person’s challenges by saying you can easily change your habits – because we cannot. Forming habits isn’t easy. Forming serving habits even less so. Breaking a bad habit is even harder. I would never say it is easy – but it is simple. How?

4 Steps

1. Identify what it is we really want in a specific context.

2. Identify the habits we need to get to #1

3. Identify the habits that are holding us back from getting to #1

4. Swapping, one at a time on a regular and conscious basis #3 for #2 until we no longer have to think about it.

That’s it. Simple? Yes. Easy? Not a chance.

Take for instance “being a morning person”:

1. I would like to be able to get up earlier in the morning and be filled with joy and energy, ready to take on the tasks of my day. If I could get up 90mins earlier I would be able to workout and answer emails that pile up and stress me through the day. This would allow me to start my work day feeling like I have accomplished a bunch of stuff already and relieve some of the stress that weighs me down throughout the day. Getting up earlier would also free me to get into the shape that I want as I’d have no excuse not to workout in the morning before the hecticness of the day started.

–>Notice my goal also comes with a reason why it is important to me. Simply wanting something “just cause” is never going to fuel us to change a habit. In order to overcome the challenge of changing our habits we need an even bigger reason why. Something that compels us to want to change even when things are tough (and know they will be.)

2. In order to get up 90mins earlier and get more done I would need to get into the habit of getting into bed by 11:30pm. I would also have to get into the habit of getting up and out of bed as soon as my alarm clock goes off. I could leave my workout clothes right at the foot of the bed and each morning as soon as my feet hit the ground put them on & walk to the living room to begin my workout or head outside for my run/walk.

3. I’m going to bed way too late because I’m watching television for hours, surfing on facebook every night and just lounging around. Then it get’s late and I realize I’ve got a dozen things to do before bed and by the time I get them all done it’s 1am and I’m still wide awake. I need to be more in control of my time and things done in an order of importance each night so that I can then relax and get to bed an hour earlier each night.

4. Action phase – Sunday night before the week starts I will:

a. make a list of all the things that need to get done each night once I get home from work that must be done that night

b. make another list of things that have to get done by the end of the week – but not vital to be done tonight

c. create my workout routine/duration for each morning Monday to Friday

d. execute.

Now will you get to bed every night at 11:30pm? Probably not – life has a way of happening sometimes. Will you get more done and get to bed earlier? More than likely because in making list or more being aware of how we use our time, we become more in control of how we use our time. The more in control we are of the use of our most precious resource and the more aware we are of habitual time robbers leads us to the habit of using our time to get what we want.

And habits that serve us create results that we desire and deserve.

Results are the by product of habits. It makes sense to take a look at ours to make sure we get the by products we most desire, whether that be a better body, more money or a quality relationship with a quality woman.

-Mark Spark

I often hear that it doesn’t matter what you look like or how you dress, that you can still talk to any woman you’d like. And I agree – in fact while I was growing up I had this Cousin who would wear track pants & a white marina (what some of you might know as a ‘beater”) while chilling on the stoop & holla at girls. Women actually. In business suits. And you know what? He’d get them. Their numbers but more they’d fawn over him as he spoke.  Of course this same cousin was a pretty good looking guy and was exceptionally confident. And he was the exception.

You can do lots of things in this world, I mean you can get out your car & pet the animals on safari but it’s just not the best idea.

With all the things that you cannot control in life the one thing you can control is yourself. You can control how you feel, what you do, what your habits are and what you look like. Now you cannot control whether you area 5’6” or 6’5” but you can control what you do with whatever you got.
That’s the first reason I strongly advocate working out – because it gives you an edge. I’m not saying it guarantee’s any woman will talk to you but it won’t hurt your chances.

The second reason I advocate working out is that is creates a habit in your life of discipline and the ability to stick with something even when it is tough. To create success in physical training you need to have a goal, be able to manage and measure that goal, have a plan to reach that goal and then persevere in your plan, manage that plan, tweak that plan and continue to persevere until you reach your goal.

Working out and gaining results will teach you something that anyone who trains for a significant period of time has learned – there is nothing more motivating that results. It’ll also give you the confidence that comes from building something with commitment and hard work.

Want some tips? Check out the workout videos it the fitness section.

But here’s one of vital importance. If you do nothing you will get nothing. Whatever you put in you will get out. So put your whole self in and enjoy what’ll happen.
Good luck,
Mark Sparks

Recently I was talking with a group comprised mostly of beautiful, successful women. I was talking to them about relationships and their role in the dating/relationship process. Speaking to them about what they appreciated, looked for, were attracted to and turned off by. There were a handful of men other than myself at this gathering as well. One gentleman in particular, who was very good looking, seemed to be on the prowl. He had his game face on and was looking for someone to play with. Mistake number one. He began to display alpha male traits in the group to “show” that he was an alpha male. Mistake number two. He then proceeded to make a “witty” remark after many a sincere question or comment posed by any of the ladies in the group – and a few of the other men.
At the end of the day’s session – how many numbers do you think he had?
Well your guess is as good as mine but I will say that he did leave a lasting impression on several of the women in the group – as in they emailed me to inquire if he would be at the next scheduled event. They let me know that if he was there, they and their friends would not be.
I’ve seen this before and not in professional settings. I’ve had acquaintances be “that guy” and even in my late teen years I thought it was cool to be “that guy”. Was I wrong.
Women – especially quality women, don’t have time nor patience for this sort of behaviour. If you want to succeed in relating to women – or any quality person – you’ve got to be you. That doesn’t mean you don’t work on you it means that you are true to you, your values and your ‘youness’.

Let’s take a look at the mistakes.

1. Looking like you’re on the prowl.

Fact – no one likes to feel like they are being hunted. You ever watch the nature channel? Yes I said the nature channel (here’s a tip I learned both from an acting coach & a modeling agent – if you want to move well watch how big cats move.)

Watch one of those African safari joints. They’ll eventually get to a part where there are a bunch of zebra or gazelle or antelope in a field.  Then you’ll see the lionesses or cheetahs role up.  Notice what goes down? Well let me tell you cause I’ve watched them and it’s just like watching men with women at a social event, nothing! All the zebra/gazelle/antelope just stay doing what they are doing. Until the big cats go into hunt mode – and you see it when you watch! As soon as that happens the air changes and the ze-zell-talope are off running. Why? Cause no one likes to be hunted.

I understand you have the intention of meeting someone but that is mutually beneficial because you are looking to add to their lives as well. Hunting is simple taking away value all for selfish and self fueled gain (as in I kill you to eat you to feed me.)

Meet. Don’t hunt. And leave the game face for the next time you and the boys play basketball, not for meeting women.

2. Showing that you are an alpha male.

You ever go to the zoo or watch the nature channel? There’s that nature channel again.

Anyways, any how you can see a Lion do it. Watch when a Male lion walks into a pride. If he is the Alpha he doesn’t growl, doesn’t roar, doesn’t unnecessarily draw attention to himself with displays of alphaness. He just walks in, takes his place and awaits the benefit that comes with the years of preparation (yeah, he didn’t get that big, strong and earn the title of alpha without losing and then winning a few fights) being an alpha male demands. Notice I said that being an alpha male demands not that a male being alpha demands? The difference is subtle but huge. Like a decimal point if you miss you won’t quite get the desired result.

Look  – an alpha male is one who is confident and comfortable. When you are not confident and you are not committed to becoming confident long term you take short cuts (putting people down to lift your self up, talking louder so other’s “have to” listen etc…) instead of investing the work into yourself to actually become confident. Same goes for comfortable. If you are an alpha male you do what an alpha male does and get what an alpha male gets. If you are trying to do the things an alpha male does to get what he get’s without being one you are stuck in an unchangeable cycle

Be–>Do–>Have you can work with.

Do–>Have–>Be is a trap that isn’t you and won’t last.

Someone once told me:

“Don’t be someone you’re not

‘cause eventually people will see who you are”

The point? Work on your life – your inner game – and take the time to actually become an alpha male, be an alpha male. Then you don’t have to think about doing alpha male stuff cause once you are that anything you do will be too.

3. “Witty” (specifically in this case sarcastic, clever, just for a laugh) responses to sincerity.
People , especially when sincere, yearn to be responded to with sincerity.  When’s the last time you shared something real with someone with sincerity hoping that they’d not take you seriously or worse make fun of you for sharing?  When is the last time you approached a woman in hopes that she’s responds with “wit” instead of sincerity & attraction?
Too often we reach to be funny instead of to understand what someone is saying. When you can make her laugh not laugh at her and genuinely connect with her you have a far better chance than you do by being sarcastic and clever or as I’ve called it thus far a certain type of “witty”.

Let me be clear though – wit is not a bad thing, when coupled with sincerity, humility and a genuine interest in continuing the communication cycle.

That’s all I got for now. Well, all I’m sharing, for now.
Til next time, stay growing.

Mark Sparks